All Crystal could think was how stupid this was, but she couldn’t say it out loud, she’d be a hypocrite for saying it out loud. She had been trying to get her mom to sign up on a dating site for years now, finally creating a profile for her and letting her mom and the men around the San Antonio area do the rest. She hated the thought of meeting someone online and falling in love with them, it was false love bread out of similar hobbies and interests. But she had made her mom do it, and she was standing by the Dallas Plaza of the America’s fountain at 1:00 pm for a reason.

She had met Ben on the new Star Wars MMORPG, Star Wars the Old Republic. Her friend, Mark, had begged her to join because none of his friends would pay the fifteen dollars it required every month to play the game. She had rolled her eyes at first, stating it was another WOW just for Star Wars geeks; but she was a closet Star Wars fan, and the game was calling her name. She broke and signed up, using the money she had earned over the previous summer and Christmas breaks to provide her with the fifteen dollars per month. Her parents would be furious, but this was her hard earned money and she had the right to spend it however she wanted, even if it was on three boxes of Milk Duds, and she was going to play the game.

Her first character was Ali Kora, a human and not the Shistavanen Crystal had wanted Ali to be, but she loved her character nonetheless. She gave Ali two glowing blue lightsabers to complement the Jar’Kai style of fighting, and long blonde hair that matched in color her own pixie cut. Crystal had only wanted to casually play, but MMOs are addicting. She would get on for at least an hour every day, usually when Mark was on so they could go on missions together; she was a fan of any stealth and secretive mission, but Mark preferred the political missions where they had to keep the peace between two warring factions. She hated the political missions, but Mark would always give her a chance to sneak about.

There was one day when Mark was working late, so Crystal set off with Ali to find a mission. That’s when she met Tai Sinlin, a Zabrak with a mean Force push and a double blue lightsaber that would make any padawan jealous. They had been assigned to escort the Senator of Christophsis back to his planet only to find a large rebellion group waiting for their arrival. Tai had gotten to fight with all of his strength, and Ali had gotten a chance to infiltrate the rebel’s group and disband it from the inside. Even though she thought that the mission was going to be boring because of the beginning, it was truly one of the first missions that Crystal had enjoyed the entire time because Tai had made it fun.

Shortly after that mission, Crystal made a new character, another human Kiy Adia, and played exclusively with Mark with Kiy. He wasn’t happy about the novice level she was at, but Crystal wasn’t giving him any grief over the political missions they went on, so he didn’t complain. She was getting that fulfillment with Ali, whom she saved for roaming the galaxy and constantly crossing paths with Tai as they went on multiple missions together.

After a mission to disband a smuggler’s den on Rishi, Ali and Tin struck up a conversation over the chat program on The Old Republic, playing a simple version of 20 questions that turned into one asking the other a question and both had to answer it. They decided to keep it light, ‘In which city do you live? I’m in Dallas.’

‘Cool! I’m in Fort Worth. Honestly, how old are you? I’m 21.’

‘20. What’s your favorite movie? And if it’s Star Wars, then what is your second favorite movie? Mine is Fight Club.’

‘Don’t talk about it! Treasure Planet.’

‘Such a cult classic!’

‘Ahahaha! Yeah! Okay, what’s your name? First name only. I’m Crystal.’

‘Crystal… that’s a pretty name. I’m Ben.’

This went on until 2 am that cold February night, when Crystal typed in that she had class in the morning and had to get to sleep. Ben had repeated the same and they both logged off. That was the first night that Crystal couldn’t get to sleep, in the short two months that they had been running around on missions together, she couldn’t get Ben out of her head. She hadn’t thought of asking him for a picture, but she imagined him with short brown hair, a skinny kid around 5 feet 10, but he had beautiful green eyes, nothing like her lackluster jade ones.

Every time they would go on a mission together or with other Jedi, they would always laugh, joke, and work off of each other’s skills. It was like they had known each other before the game and had been best friends outside of the game. The greatest thing about their online friendship, besides how he always made her laugh and knew when to get serious and when to push a joke into the conversation, was how he understood that she had a separate life outside of the Star Wars universe. He knew she was single, as was he, and that she loved to go out with her friends, but she did have homework and tests, and he respected all of that. Most of the time they could fit in one mission per night, but some nights Crystal would message Ben to say she had to finish an essay or study. His retort was always something along the lines of, “Yeah, I probably need to do that paper that’s due tomorrow as well.”

Late in March Crystal hopped on The Old Republic to ask Ben if he had gotten tickets to A-Kon, the biggest Anime Convention in Texas, and one of the things Crystal looked forward to the most over her summer holiday. Ben’s reply was that he was saving up for Comic Con, so he didn’t know if he could afford to go to A-Kon. She put a frowny face on the message screen and mentioned that the tickets were only thirty-five dollars if you signed up early, plus he could stay at his house over the nights. There was a pause in the conversation, and then he asked, ‘Do you want to meet up?’

Crystal admitted to herself that this was what she had been thinking of, but she didn’t know how to put it into words. She just wanted to meet him because they had created such a friendship over The Old Republic; she just wanted to put a face to the name. So, she typed in the obvious answer, ‘Yeah! It’d be cool to meet you for real!’

But as she hit the Enter button, his message popped up right before hers on the board, ‘I really like you, so I was just wondering…’

Crystal gaped at the message and thought for the first time about a boy, that was a bold move. She didn’t know how to react, the only thing going through her head afterwards was, shit shit shitty fuck shit.

‘Hello? Crystal?’

“Ah shit!” Crystal shouted into her apartment room and put her hands to the keyboard to type… nothing.

‘I’m sorry, that was really stupid of me. We can pretend I never said it.’

Her fingers finally flew, ‘But you did say it. And you know, I don’t believe in this finding-a-relationship-on-the-Internet thing. It seems like a desperate thing…’


‘But, as much as I hate to admit it, our friendship is really awesome and I think I’m starting to like you too.’ She sighed as she pushed Enter.

There were little grey words under the board that showed that Ben was typing and then the words went off, and there was another minutes pause before, ‘We should keep it light. I’ll get tics to A-Kon and we can choose a meeting point when we get there. We can do it on here if you want to avoid giving out digits. Yeah? We can run around and do missions until then.’

Crystal chuckled at Ben’s use of the word digits, it was so old-school it was him. She nodded and typed, ‘That’s a perfect idea.’


This was how Crystal had ended up at the Dallas Plaza of the America’s fountain at 1 pm waiting for a boy she had never seen in real life. He had stated that he would be cosplaying in a steampunk outfit, but that she could spot him by the top hat and three-foot long blaster he would be carrying. She said that she would be cosplaying on Friday as Rory Williams from Doctor Who season five’s episode, Amy’s Choice, so she could be spotted with auburn hair and would be wearing a poncho. They had both agreed that 1 pm was a good time because the public wouldn’t be able to pick up their badges that day until 3 pm, but check-in at the hotel started at noon, and neither of them cared about where they were in the badge line, since it only took about an hour or two and most attendees wouldn’t be at the con until 6 or 7 pm.

Crystal checked her iPhone, 1:15. Ben was late. She had already been ambushed by multiple Elevens, two Tens, and even a Nine.  She looked up to find another Eleven walking towards her, but this time accompanied by an Amy Pond.

“Oh my God! You look just like Rory!” Amy was on top of her before she knew it. “Can we get a picture with you? Your costume is amazing! Is that your natural hair color?”

Crystal had to laugh, “Of course we can get a picture, and no it’s not. I just dyed it yesterday.”

Eleven was asking a person to take their picture as Amy says, “You look just like Rory! It’s crazy!”

They posed for a couple of different shots, even one where they all looked absolutely terrified at the invisible Daleks that were coming at them. As Eleven got his camera back, Crystal mentioned how well the other two pulled off their costumes.

“Oh! Thank you!” Amy gave Crystal a kiss on the cheek in a very Pond-like manner as Eleven snapped a picture. “Hope we’ll see you around!”

Crystal waved bye to the two and turned back to the large food court. She checked her phone again, 1:23. She was beginning to feel like she had been stood-up, but immediately shook the thought from her head. I don’t believe in online relationships. They’re a complete waste of time, and they’re more often than not, a lie. She began to think that she should be looking for a 34 year old man and not a 20 year old boy, as her eyes scanned the crowd. She then spotted a top hat in the midst of a crowd coming down the stairs from the walkway to the Sheridan Convention Center. Her eyes got wide and she was sure her heart had a visible pulse; she wasn’t sure if she should head towards him, or if she should just stay put.

She glanced back towards the bottom of the staircase and saw a boy dressed to the nines in steampunk garb scanning the crowd. She quickly averted her gaze and put on her best I’m-just-standing-here-waiting-for-a-friend look, which involved looking at her phone with her hip cocked. She heard the booted footstep grow louder and bit her bottom lip in anticipation and nervousness.

“Um… Crystal?” The voice was a soft baritone and very fluid, not scratchy or heavy like she was prepared for, it was a nice surprise. She was looking down and could only see his heavy boots; they looked ridiculously expensive, and as her head tilted up to see him, her eyes traveled over the rest of his body.

His black boots went up to his knees and covered the lower half of what looked like grey slacks, the pockets were stitched over with dark brown leather and his belt held an adornment of things such as glass vials and a holster with a painted and adorned NERF gun in it, he was wearing a brown vest that matched his pockets and underneath was a white button-up with its sleeves rolled up, black gloves with the fingertips cut off covered his large hands. She could see the strap around his chest that held the gun at his back, she could only make out the top of it, but it looked huge, and his black top hat was decorated with a pair of goggles and a single short hawk feather. His face was grinning at her, and she could see wisps of curly, dark brown hair escaping from the bottom of his hat.

She must have been gawking, because he said, “Sorry, this and the Scarborough Fair are the only times I get to wear this outfit.” He paused, “You are Crystal, right?”

Crystal nodded and frowned to herself, I’m only wearing modern Rory-esque clothes and a stupid grey poncho. I can’t walk around with him; he outdoes me by hundreds of miles! “Ben.” She looked up at him, he was much taller and looked nothing like she had expected, except for his eyes.

“Oh, good! I was about to feel like a complete idiot talking to a total stranger.” Ben’s sigh of relief was audible.

“Well, theoretically you are talking to a total stranger,” Crystal retorted crossing her arms.

Ben’s mouth opened, and then closed. He said, “That’s not what I… you know what I meant!”

Crystal laughed and Ben’s stance eased, “Yeah, I know what you meant. Um, anyways, I guess officially, hi, I’m Crystal.” She stuck out her hand.

Ben took it automatically, “Ben. And your costume looks great! I’m not a huge Doctor Who fan, but I made sure to watch the episode you told me to, even if it was really confusing. But, yeah, you look just like Rory!”

“Thanks, but I must tell you, one, this isn’t my natural hair color, and two, your outfit one-ups mine ten-fold!” She looked him over again.

Ben looked as if he were pondering that statement, “Well sure people like steampunk, but you can always tell who the real fans of a show are if they really like the other characters. Like, sure people like Doctor Who, but when real fans see you as Rory, they run up and want to take pictures, and there’s a connection, you know?”

“Yeah.” Crystal nodded at her recent photo shoot. There was a silence between them, then Crystal spoke up, “I’m starving, wanna get lunch?”

Ben’s green eyes sparkled, “Lunch sounds awesome!”

They grabbed pizza together and ran to the pre-registration line to pick up their badges. Ben met all of Crystal’s friends, and Maggie and Kat wouldn’t lose them until they both got a picture with Ben because his costume was “just so cool!” Ben complied and they ran into the two boys he had come with, brothers Jacob and Jeremiah, they talked for a few minutes then Jacob mentioned something about a One Piece figure on sale in the Dealer’s Room, so off they went with Ben and Crystal followed casually.

As they walked, they talked about the same things they did on The Old Republic, almost for the benefit of making sure all of it was fact. As they got to the Dealer’s Room, Crystal ran to the Doctor Who booth and bought herself a TARDIS cookie jar exclaiming, “They never have them by the afternoon on Saturdays, I haven’t been able to get one the past two years!” On their way around, Ben picked up a small box of old gears and a tube of dice stating that, “I make it a rule to myself not to buy anything I don’t need, but I’m in short supply of gears and these are cheap, and Jeremiah let his friend borrow my dice, haven’t seen them since.” They made their way to all of the Pokemon plushes and Crystal wanted one, but forced herself to think like Ben, “I really love this Darumaka, but I don’t need him.”

They said goodbye around dinner time with the promise to meet up at 12:30 the next day after Ben’s Steampunk Sewing panel, and Crystal’s Vic Mignogna signing. She went up to her hotel room and met up with Maggie, Kat, and Felicity who were ordering room service.

“Guys! You know we can’t afford this!” Crystal cried.

Felicity whipped out a hundred dollar bill, “’Rents said I could use it for room service at night so that we didn’t have to go out. We can make it to 50 tonight and tomorrow!”

Kat’s grin was almost wild with pleasure and Maggie looked like a bag of relief. Crystal sighed, “Fine, just get me a cheeseburger with steak fries.” She walked into the bathroom to shower for the first time in 32 hours because of the new dye in her hair.

As she got out and was shaking the towel through her short hair she heard, “So, how was Ben?” That was Maggie.

“Are you two in looove?” And that was Felicity.

Crystal let out an ugh of a sigh and walked out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around her. “Sure, I like him. But c’mon, how many relationships do you know that have lasted from meeting online?” Kat started to open her mouth, but Crystal beat her to the punch, “Don’t answer that. I know your dad and stepmom are a perfect match,” she sat down on the bed and lifted the top off the plate sitting there and snagged a fry, munching into it she stated, “all I’m saying is that they met on a dating site, meant for that kind of shit. Ben and I met on a game, a Star Wars game for that matter! It’s a completely different scenario.”

“But isn’t that what those kind of role-playing games are for?” Maggie said slowly and thoughtfully.

Crystal just looked at her, Maggie was a reader and loved board games, but she would never involve herself with an online game. Kat played WOW, so she would understand; Crystal turned to her. Kat just shrugged in a she-makes-a-good-point manner. In a last ditch effort she turned to Felicity, the girly-girl of the bunch who had only come because she liked dressing up.

Felicity looked down to think, tightening her jaw and pressing her lips together. After a moment she looked back up at Crystal, “Mags makes a good point. I mean, isn’t the point of those games all about meeting new people?” Crystal’s jaw dropped. “I mean, you meet people, cool. But yeah, I kind of agree with you. A relationship doesn’t really work out unless you two are around each other, not just talking.”

“Thank you!” Crystal shouted slapping her hands onto the bed.

“But…” Felicity started again, “I saw the way he was looking at you. He’s really into you.” She shrugged, “I mean, it could happen.”

Crystal sighed and her shoulders slumped, “Yeah, he is, isn’t he.” It was a statement, in no way a question.

There was a pause between the group of friends. “So, what are you going to do?” Felicity was the first one to speak.

“Truthfully,” Crystal posed it as a question, but went on, shrugging, “probably just tell him that we can’t, you know, date.”

The other girls nodded. “Seems sensible,” Kat pointed out.

“Yeah,” Maggie started, “it sucks, cause you both like each other, but we understand.”

“Thanks guys.”


The next day, Ben and Crystal were together for the rest of the day. They had gone on a shopping spree in the Dealer’s Room, searching for their favorite local artists in the Artist’s Alley, and going to one another’s photo-shoots to take pictures for one another. Ben had been stopped in his steampunk outfit many times, and Crystal had been attacked my many Pokemon in her Ivory costume from the new Pokemon game, Black and White 2. They were just excited to talk to one another in person. So, when Ben mentioned that he, Jeremiah, and Jacob were going to the concert and rave, Crystal happily said she would bring along her friends and join.

They met up at the convention hall doors where you had to get carded once you entered, and stamped if you were under 21. Lucky for Crystal and Felicity they were both 21 and there was a bar in the back where they could get simple drinks like beer and coke and rum. They both stepped up to get a drink, Jeremiah joining them, and walked away with a beer for both Crystal and Jeremiah, and a Sprite with gin for Felicity. As they joined the throng of people crowding the stage the others showed up and Felicity lightly pushed Crystal towards Ben. She rolled her eyes and stayed where she was, content with the fact that she could actually see the stage between two people.

The concert was good, but it was the dance that Crystal had been waiting for. She loved the raves that the conventions put on; she didn’t have to worry about anybody weird trying to dance with her because everyone at the convention was already as weird as they could get. Maggie, Kat, and Jacob had left to get food, which left Ben, Jeremiah, Felicity, and Crystal to dance the night away. As the flashing lights and bass-filled music filled the hall, the four of them danced together until they were close enough to kiss. Felicity’s arms were wrapped around Jeremiah’s neck, and his forehead was resting on hers as they rocked back and forth to the beat. Crystal knew Felicity was just trying to be flirty and have a good time, but she hoped that Felicity knew not to lead Jeremiah on if she didn’t like him that way.

Crystal looked back to Ben, who had dressed appropriately in jeans and a black t-shirt, and saw that he was smiling at her. She returned the smile, blushing, when all of a sudden his hand was on her hip. He didn’t pull her close, or try anything else that Crystal could uncomfortably think of in that moment, All he did was put his hand on your hip, Crystal. Just calm down. She wasn’t sure why she was having a small panic attack over this gesture, when they had physical contact with each other during all of Saturday. He had grabbed her hand to drag her somewhere, she had done the same with him; they had joked around and a couple of false punches were thrown into each other’s arms; they had stood so close to each other at dealer’s booths that she could feel the slight tingle of his arm hairs touching hers.

How is this any diff— She stopped mid-thought, knowing the reason why. She didn’t want a relationship that was long distance and had formed its basis online. She took two steps away from Ben, then turned and started darting through the thick crowd. She could almost hear the confusion in his voice as his mouth formed her name, knowing it would never be audible over the heavy dubstep resounding in the hall. ‘Crystal? Crystal?!’ She could imagine him calling. She darted and ran faster, knowing that he was following, knowing that she didn’t want him to follow, knowing that this all made her very upset as a sob was released.

She hit the back wall and slid down it still crying. Large, strong hands found her and pulled her up into an embrace. He smelled like sweat, Old Spice, and metal, and that made her cry harder. He just stood there, holding her, until slowly her sobs turned to small shakes and she was blubbering, “I’m sorry… so sorry.”

Ben carefully pulled Crystal off of him and looked her straight in the eyes, “It’s okay. I’m here.” Then she was pressed up against him again, but this time his lips mashed into hers. Her eyes widened, this was not how it was supposed to happen, this was not what she needed right now. She swung with her first instinct, quite literally, and nailed him in the jaw with her left fist. He let her go, eyes wide, as his hand flew to his face; he looked utterly bewildered that she would do that to him.

Crystal backed up and shouted at him out of anger and to be heard, “How could you do that?! How could you be so stupid?! I told you I didn’t like long distance relationships, and you fucking pull that shit?! You fucked up, Ben. You really fucked this up.” She stormed out of the convention hall, leaving Ben to stand in the same place, hand cradling his jaw, and mouth slightly agape.


As Crystal opened the door to their hotel room, she found Maggie, Kat, and Jacob sitting on the two beds watching retro Gundam episodes. She said nothing as she looked at each of them, turned slowly, went into the bathroom, and shut the door behind her. She could hear muffled apologies and thank yous as the two girls shooed Jacob from the room. Crystal knew she was crying, and she knew she just wanted to sit in the empty bathtub and stay there, but she let Kat help her up, with a whisper from Maggie of, “C’mon, let’s get you in bed.” The next thing she knew, arms were wrapping around her waist in a brief hug, and a small voice from Felicity said, “I love you.”


The next morning Crystal woke up to the girls getting ready. It was the last day of the convention, but it ran until later in the afternoon to allow the dealers to sell what they could, and the three excited girls were ready to battle the crowds of failures and losers who weren’t going to get the items marked down 45 and 50 percent.

Kat was the first one to notice that Crystal was awake, “Hey, how ya feelin?” The other two girls turned to pay attention.

Crystal sighed, “Hurt, confused, pissed, guilty… and basically every emotion in between.”

“So, what happened?” Maggie asked cautiously.

“He kissed me.” Crystal looked exhausted even though she had gotten sleep.

“He kissed you?!” Kat was shifting into her mother bear act, “Did you want to be kissed? Was it a consensual thing?”

Crystal shook her head, “I told you guys I don’t want to do another long distance relationship. So, no to both of those questions.” She looked at Kat.

Kat moved towards the door, “That dick! Thinks he can go fucking with other people’s emotions! Especially my best friend’s emotions! He’s got another thing coming!” Her hand slapped the door handle, and she flung open the door to reveal a very surprised looking bellhop boy.

“I… um… you… room service?” He stuttered and held out a large tray with plates of pastries and a covered plate on the side.

Kat was still fuming, so Maggie answered, “We didn’t order room service.” She looked at Felicity who shrugged and shook her head.

“Well, it was called in and asked to be delivered to this room…” the bellhop started.

Crystal’s eyes blazed, then she calmed down, “If it’s already been charged, we’ll just take it.”

He handed the tray off to Maggie and she sat it on the bed next to Crystal, “You think it’s from him?”

“Yeah,” Crystal hesitated, “although it could easily be from Jeremiah as well.” Felicity blushed.

Kat picked up a pastry and tore into it, “Well, as long as it’s paid for.”

They all ate, even Crystal managed to eat half a danish in her distress, but none of them touched the covered plate for fear of what was underneath. They all had their speculations: an apology card, a poem, a CD filled with romantic music (that one was Felicity), or just a time bomb in the form of a piece of paper.

After they all finished, Crystal made the girls go without her, saying she needed to do some thinking about the situation. They reluctantly went downstairs, which left Crystal to sit and stare at the covered plate and ponder if she should lift the silver dome from atop it.

What if he’s really sorry? He still hurt you. But did he really hurt you? He kissed me when I obviously didn’t need to be kissed. You hurt him. Yeah… I punched him, then yelled at him, then left… It sucks when that happens, doesn’t it? Yeah. She thought as she curled up next to the tray. Her body was so physically and emotionally tired that she fell back asleep, only to wake up around 11 am with a new resolve.

Crystal sat up, gripped the handle, and willed herself to lift it. She couldn’t do it, not emotionally; but the thought of what was under the upside-down silver bowl was killing her. So, she closed her eyes and counted the three, lifting the cover on the last digit.

One eye peeked open to see two Pokémon plush animals, and an origami flower sitting behind the ear of one of them that looked to have writing on it. As her left hand sat down the shining cover, her right gently picked up the flower, eyeing it with nothing more than curiosity.

She pulled open the green petals and started to read:

Dear Crystal,

                I wanted to start by wishing you a good morning. I hope you like cherry danishes, because I asked and they didn’t have blueberry, which is your favorite. I also know that you really like Pokémon, which is the reason for the Eevee and the Houndour. (By the way, the Eevee is you, which is why it had the flower tucked behind her ear, and the Houndour is me, cause I’m a little dark at times.) I remember you telling me that Eevee was your favorite because it had so many different choices to evolve it into, and you always like to have all the options laid out in front of you.

                But that wasn’t the true intent of this breakfast. I mean, I wanted to make you smile, and I hope I did; but this is the first thing I thought of doing after you punched me. Breakfast in bed makes any girl a little happier, right? And it’s a good way to apologize and make the girl smile all at the same time, right? Sorry I’m questioning myself, I just want to make it right between us. You don’t want a relationship with me? That’s cool, I’d rather be friend-zoned than not be around you. You like me but don’t want a long distance relationship? That’s cool too, we can just talk, like old times. We can just hang out and be ourselves around each other.

                I’m sorry about kissing you. I guess I shouldn’t take any hints like that from movies ever again… But in all seriousness, that was a dick move on my part. I shouldn’t have kissed you then, I should have waited until you were cool with it, I should have waited for me and you to become an us, and for that I’m truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me, Crystal; because to lose you as a friend would just be horrible.


                Ben Blackwell

P.S. You throw a mean left hook, just sayin.

Crystal let out a nervous huff and grinned as she put the paper down and picked up the Eevee and Houndour, holding them to her chest, a few tears welling up as she thought of the letter. As soon as one tear slid out of the duct, there was a knock on her door. She got up and went to the door, turning the handle cautiously.

“Hey…” Ben’s voice trailed off as he saw Crystal’s face. He hesitated, then raised his hand and gently wiped the tear from her cheek with his thumb.

In that instant, Crystal dropped the Pokémon and wrapped her arms around Ben’s chest, pushing herself into him, breathing in his metal and Old Spice scent. Teary-eyed again, she stated, “Sometimes hints from movies are good…”    

My heart skipped a beat

bah-bah dum, bah        dum

as there was a knock at my door.

My feet flew, my hands flailed,

as I walked calmly to it.

The moment I grabbed the handle

I thought, what if it’s not him…

My mind scattered possibilities.

a friend asking if we had Advil,

or if they could borrow a charger.

They would want to go out,

I wanted him to join us.

I felt protected when I was near him.

He had a way of challenging me,

pushing me to solve the question.

He would turn to me for answers

when he wouldn’t know it himself.

He is as humble as he is


Treating me like ‘one of the guys’,

but still viewing me as a woman.

He gave and took from me

like the breath in my lungs.

I wanted it… Needed it to be him

as I opened the door slowly.

Bah                             dum.

“Hey,” he smiled gently.

“Hey,” I grinned breathlessly. 

The full moon rises from the shadow of the horizon,

and breaches the trees that shelter me

in the forest that smells of decaying leaves.

My eyes widen, not wanting the moonbeams

to hit my naked body. My mind screams FLEE!,

but there is no escaping the pain as my body reels.

Convulsions ripple through my muscles,

making me mash my teeth together.

But even as I do, I can feel my body transforming,

becoming the Beast I never asked to be.

The agony is almost intolerable, red spots float

across my vision as it sharpens. Hearing becomes

honed and my pointed ears flatten as the torment

rages on. Bones crack and stretch, my muzzle forming

ending with an acute sense of smell. Strain all throughout

my body as it takes a new but familiar shape.

Black fur sprouts as I let out a scream that turns

into a barking snarl. With the spasm done, I whimper;

heaving air through my large lungs, sensing freedom

in the night. Howling, I let the wolf take over.

The cunning trickster,

the sly enticer.

You are quick with your

tongue, like a silver arrow

piercing minds and deceiving.


You want people to like you,

so you charm them with your words.

Bending them in such ways

that they believe what you say,

no matter how doubtful.


You are clever and witty,

fabricating on a whim.

Enjoying the rush of distortion,

knowing that, at any time,

your lies can fall apart.


But you are crafty and keen;

you will never get caught.

Sing in front of a crowd,

Walk the Appalachian Trail,

Learn to sign with ASL,

Scream super loud!

Go to a party and wow,

Make concoctive cocktails,

Write and publish a fairytale,

Find what hasn’t been found.


Some of my list is finished,

And some I haven’t started;

But the more new things I try,

The more my list is diminished.

And I don’t do things halfhearted,

It’s my mind I have to satisfy.

We are the thieves of the dark.

Your night is our noon.

Glue on paper mâché,

Stencils on blank canvas;

We deface for life.


Getting caught is our drug.

Being noticed is our want.

Reactions make us smile,

Hiding in our shadowed hoods;

Give us your excitement.


With spray cans in our hands,

And rebel art in our hearts.

Her fingernails are long
for someone who was a biter.
Her habit was broken
by dirt. Now those tips
work diligently. Only
to see herself humbled,
but prideful. With red swells,
her fingers pull strand after strand,
breaking only for the knots
her string and tendons hold.
Indentations, cutting skin
and cloth. Curiosity leads
to a burn by a gun.
The finished product; not
perfection, but hers.
She wants nothing
more than to create.

At Ponder on the highway

I see the first green sign, bright

in the golden glow behind me.


My car accelerates and passes

under that forgotten exit

for 2449. To Bonnie Brae.


My car drifts under the cool shadow

of Ponder hill. The wind beats

the side and I glide to the white line.


My car races one from Alaska.

I top the truck’s speed. I smile

at 80 miles. To Bonnie Brae.


By the song in my throat, by the force

on my pedal, by warmth in the day,

to Bonnie Brae.


The road curves, up ahead, and my

exit I see. His embrace is not far

from me now, go to Bonnie Brae.





Structure of ‘To Bonnie Brae’ inspired by:

Let Evening Come

By: Jane Kenyon

Purple back

Turquoise front,

Brown corners

Quilted touch,

Spine worn out


Green letters


Musty room

Corner stars,

Kid drawings

Paper cut,

Coded tabs

Post-It notes,

Chapter marked

Eighteen first,

Pages fall

Fluffy dog,



His chest sticks out                                                   His nonchalant stance

Walking with an ego                                                 Walking with a saunter

Chin held high                                                           You wouldn’t know

On his proud shoulders.                                             Of his troubled past.


Arrogant mind                                                            Never king

Power hungry                                                             Always lying

Blood thirsty                                                               Lips sewn shut

The golden boy of Gods.                                            This is the green God.

He angers easily                                                         A bit of fun

But a gullible mind                                                      He claims away

Softens his heart                                                        Never to be golden

To his brother.                                                            Like his brother.

His mighty shout                                                         His clever mind

Brings thunder down                                                  Whispers secrets deep

Cowering                                                                    Influencing

Even the strong.                                                         Even the truth.


*This is a poem for two voices. One person reads the poem on the left, the other the right; alternating between lines. You can also read these as two different poems as well.

**I originally had these in two columns, mirroring each other. WordPress just doesn’t have that layout, so this will have to do. Sorry it doesn’t look amazing!


Mind singing

Wanting change

Year ringing

Stay the same


Thinking witty

Never here

What a pity

Thoughts are sheer


Do or die

It isn’t there

I don’t try

I don’t care

Hello everyone, I’m going to do something a little different today… BUT FIRST!

Here are the quirks for Drawing vs. Painting:

Drawing: uncomplicated and accessible, adjustable, but impatient.

Painting: complex and ponderous, detail oriented, but didactic.


Silver vs. Gold

So here’s the something new: I figured since you can’t really describe the differences between Silver and Gold and their personality quirks, I figured I’d create a poll. So here it is! Vote now!


Choose what you like more!



Why hello everybody!

So sorry I haven’t posted in about three days, I really have no excuse other than I have been very tired and I didn’t have my awesome journal with me.  That’s not really much of an excuse at all…

So, without further ado, I present the personality quirks of your choices for Reason vs. Emotion.

Reason: Mathmatical and systematic, logical, purpose for hesitation, Mommy issues.

Emotion: Intuitive and sentimental, reaction, purpose for impulsiveness, Daddy issues.


Drawing vs. Painting

This is for all of you creative souls out there… and I know all of you do this in some for or another. Oh, and I guess since everything is going to the digital age, that this counts on the computer/tablet as well. We’ll start with drawing.

Drawing is a great form of art. It’s quick, easy, and you can do it at any time. Don’t tell me you’ve never doodled on your homework or classwork before, because then you’d be lying. Drawing is easily accessible most, if not all times. When you’re sitting at your desk, working on the computer, or listening to a boring lecture, there has to be a pen or pencil in front of you; don’t you just want to pick it up and doodle a little star or heart in the margins of your notes, or even on a sticky pad paper? I know I do, and I remember the last time I did… at work, yesterday, at around 1pm, because I was bored. That’s right, it’s easy for everyone to do! Even if you think you can’t draw, you can doodle a little stick figure with a hat on and a sword in his stick hand, fighting another little stick figure just like him. Oh, and that’s right, you’ve named them after you and your boss or teacher. Oh, and guess who wins? That’s right, you do. We all draw in one way or another at any time… but the downfall of that ‘any time’? You do it when you are supposed to be doing something else that’s more important. Maybe this means you’re impatient or bore easily, but sometimes you just have to put the writing utensil down and do what is to be done.

Painting, on the other hand, can’t be done all of the time, and certainly can’t be done by everybody. I know for a fact that I am absolutely horrible at watercolour painting. Just rubbish at it. But just the thought of that brush gliding over paper, or the feel of marking a small detail that is difficult, is one of the best feelings in the world. The way you have to grip the brush, like it’s a fragile glass rod that needs to make a strong mark, and the way you hold it, like you’re an artist who know’s what he or she is doing. That’s painting. It is a true form of art that is lasting. Pencil can be erased or discarded, but paint is forever. Once it’s there, it is there for a lifetime. To handle painting you have to be detail oriented. You have to know exactly where to put the brush and how much paint you need. You have to think about what your next stroke will be and how you want your work to look. Painting is more complex in it’s ways because of the detail used to create it, but sometimes you can be caught up in your own feel of perfection.

Drawing or Painting, both beautiful ways of expressing one’s self; but both so different. So what will it be?


Choose wisely,


A different day, everyone… So hello to you all!

I hope now that you get the idea of this blog. If not, I guess that’s okay, go back to the first post and read that. If you have been following me, thanks a lot! I really appreciate it!

From last night’s post:

Nerd: Tendency toward obsessive, intelligent, latent athletic abilities.

Jock: Proclivity toward athletic prowess, cocky, marked populist sympathies.


Reason Vs. Emotion

I have personally given myself a hard one to describe because I want feedback from everyone. Please, comment on what you think! I’m not writing a whole lot for this one, because I want feedback and opinions.

The definition of reason in the dictionary is: the mental powers concerned with forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences. A ‘reason’ I have a love-hate relationship with dictionaries, they don’t exactly tell it how it is. Reason, to me, is like your conscience. It’s what tells you what’s right, wrong, or just that gray area in between that nobody really listens to or cares about. Reason is how you think, not how you react. It’s a way of thinking that’s very system orientated, and a very pattern-like way of thinking. If I do this, then this will happen, causing me to… You get the idea. Reason is all very logical. There’s a certain skill in reason, it’s what makes us clever and quick on our feet in conversations. It’s what makes us hesitate before we do something stupid or illogical. Reason can become the root of most of our decisions.

However, Reason is to Mind as Emotion is to Heart.

Emotion is your impulse, your gut feeling. It’s that voice that tells you to jump right in with your eyes closed. It’s what tells you to DO, don’t hesitate! React, don’t think! Emotion is all of that raw, pent-up energy that your body builds up for you… it want’s you to do something completely reckless. Living with emotion is living with your heart on your sleeve, you’re very in-tune with what’s going on around you, and your intuition gains from this. You are sympathetic for others and care about them; forget yourself, you just want to show love to the world. Emotion is that impulsive nature that helps you to ‘Just Do It.’ It is the way of thinking that allows you to be outgoing with people, you know what they know, and you can tell by observing every detail around you if something is wrong.

If I had to sum it up into a few words, Reason is the Slytherin and Ravenclaw way of thinking; while Emotion is the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff way of acting. Sorry to put it in Harry Potter terms, but I think the majority of you all will understand.

So what’ll it be, resourcefulness Reason? Or impulsive Emotion?


Choose wisely, my friends,


Why hello everyone! Welcome back! And if this is your first time visiting, HI!

So, if you are new, I suggest you read my first post: What is Right vs. What is Easy. It pretty much sums up what I’m here to accomplish.

From the last post on July 31st:

If you chose Right: Courageous, strong, maybe fooling one’s self.

If you chose Easy: Lackadaisical, lazy, clever, maybe a compulsive lier.


Now, on to the new post!

Nerds vs. Jocks!

For this post, we will categorize the term Nerd with Geek and Dork. Jock will be everyone who is an athlete or physically adept. We will start with Nerds. They tend to get themselves into trouble with Jocks a lot, the so called ‘Dumpster Dumping’ is a known term, as with Swirlies, and Wedgies. I don’t know if that happens anymore in any school, but we’ll just say that Nerds are the kids that are outcasts or are picked on a lot.

Jocks, on the other hand, most of the time will pick on the Nerds because the Jocks are stronger… tougher. Jocks (in movies) are known for their stupidity and their body. Big and strong, but not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Nowadays, Nerds and Jocks are two completely different things. Nerds will usually refer to the people who are overly intelligent, great at IT stuff, and not the best looking, but still super cute. These people are the ones who will make it in life because of their determination. As you hear people say, Bill Gates was a Nerd, Mark Zuckerberg was a Nerd… well look where they are now! At the top! At the tippidy-top where most people could only dream of getting to. But Nerds are intelligent, and they use that intelligence to get them higher on the economic and social pyramids. Nerds know what it’s like to work hard for something, whether that be an A in a class or a 100k salary, they work their asses off studying and learning… getting wiser. Yet, they keep themselves in a bubble. Most Nerds will have up to a handful of friends, and that’s it. You can always see a Nerd hanging out with someone, being social, but more often than not, that person will be the same every time. A Nerd usually has one or two best-friends, then leaves the rest out on the curb because they don’t care or don’t know how to be outgoing and social with everyone around them. This will usually make them awkward at parties or gatherings, because they truly don’t know what to do. They may put on that smile, but often it’s just a cover-up; they’d love nothing more than going back home to sit in front of their TV or computer playing video games or surfing the internet.

Jock, however, are just as determined as Nerds, if not more. They want to be at the top, but the reasons are very personal. Most Jocks these days are incredibly smart, look at Brad Ausmus (former catcher for the Houston Astros and All Star Player) who went to Dartmouth College and received no grade lower than a B the entire time. These days, Jocks will have to go through at least one year of college in order to play in the Majors of any sport. You will, occasionally, see a ‘Dumb Jock’, but that stereotype is beginning to fade fast. Jocks now will have the brains, the brawn and the hot body, and like to keep that reputation. Speaking of reputation, there is a downfall to being a Jock… respect. You either have it with your fans, or you don’t. A Jock without respect becomes a hot-head with an enormous temper, and man can they throw things! Jocks tend to get cocky if they are doing well in a game, then get pissed off at other people for their own mistakes. That’s one thing that is constant about most Jocks, they don’t admit their mistakes. If you have an athlete in your life, when was the last time they admitted they were wrong? They rarely will. And if they are not like that, then they are the complete opposite; self-defeating, they will always blame themselves even when it’s not their fault at all. Another thing about Jocks, is they are very competitive. I’m not saying a little competitiveness is bad, it’s not at all! But when competition becomes everything to them, “I bet I can beat you to the car!” “I bet I can hit the ball farther than you!” “I bet you can’t run a 5 mile marathon with me!” Competition is their life, they know no different. They will do whatever it takes to win, all or nothing.


So who will you choose? Nerds? Or Jocks?


Choose carefully,